Lights, camera, lies.

Lights – camera – lies

Not long ago I had a zoom call with my mentor (yes I have one to) – she suggested that I update my website by making it more personal, by adding photos of myself. Firstly so people know who they are dealing with and secondly it would make the site more appealing and friendly.

I’ll be honest with you, the room went black and my mind filled with a millions reasons why this wasn’t a good idea. I hate being in front of the camera and will do anything to avoid it, it’s not because I’m shy, nore do I have any camera phobias. The simple truth of the matter is I have a deeply held yet distorted belief of myself, for most of my life I have had a belief that I’m ugly – I don’t fit the standard beauty ideal particularly within gay culture.

Recently a leading gay lifestyle magazine, Attitude, published an entire issue dedicated to body image problems in the gay community. In a recent survey by the magazine, 84% of respondents said they felt under intense pressure to have a good body. Only 1% considered themselves “very happy” with their appearance.

Its funny, my limiting beliefs would have me think I was the only one who felt like this. It saddens me to think that most gay men aren’t happy with the way they look, in fact it seems like an epidemic.  

A limiting belief is a state of mind, conviction, or belief that you think to be true that limits you in some way. Limiting beliefs can have a number of negative effects on you. They could keep you from making good choices, taking new opportunities, or reaching your potential.

Limiting beliefs keep us in our comfort zone. They can greatly limit development and achievement in our goals, both personally and professionally. It is these thoughts, whether conscious or unconscious, that we regard as absolute truths. However, these negative thoughts, which hinder our journey towards life goals, can be overcome and replaced with more optimistic messages. By changing your thinking, you can change everything too.

How do you overcome limiting beliefs, by following these basic 6 steps  

Identify your limiting beliefs:

The first step to overcoming your limited beliefs is in identifying what they are. I identified and believed I was ugly, I wanted to go one step further and not only identify it but I wanted to do it publicly.

Recognize that it is just a belief:

By recognizing it was just a belief a story I was telling myself , in fact I was actually telling myself a lie, and one I had been telling  most of my life.

Challenge your own belief:  

I did my research and found a photographer that I personally new,someone that wouldn’t let me continue the lie. Throughout the photo session I had to continually challenge the old belief.  

Recognize the potentially damaging consequences:

My limiting beliefs were causing me to miss out on the things that I wanted most, it was stopping me from stepping up into the role of mentor , I would avoid specking into my desires and taking action on them. I was keeping myself in my comfort zone, i wasn’t living my fullest potential.

Adopt a new belief:

After doing the photo shoot I started to co-parent my inner lie and would catch myself and reprogram the inner dialog.  

Put it into practice.

I’m looking forward to the next camera that’s put in front of me as a guide to how well my practice is going

The photo used in this article was one of the photos taken of me during this process.